8 Ways to Spark your Sexual Fire

(Without Scheduling Sex Like a Dentist Appointment)

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Look, I love my partner. But let’s be real—long-term relationships are NOT like the movies. No one tells you that after a decade together, “Netflix and chill” literally means watching Netflix… and chilling… in separate corners of the couch, wrapped in blankets like two burritos who only make eye contact when asking, “Did you eat the last of the snacks?”

But I still want to feel desired. I want that I-can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you energy back, not just the Hey, can you pick up milk on the way home? kind of love. Life gets in the way, though: kids, jobs, stress, existential crises, and the fact that we both need sleep to function like decent humans.

So how do you reignite that spark without forcing some awkwardly scheduled “intimacy night” that feels more like an obligation than fun? Here’s what actually worked for us.

1. Touch Each Other More (And Not Just When You Need Something)

Remember when you used to find any excuse to touch your partner? A casual graze, an arm squeeze, an innocent “Oh, sorry, I just HAD to grab something right behind you” moment? Yeah, let’s bring that back.

We started increasing casual physical touch throughout the day—hugs, back rubs, playful butt grabs (a personal fave), or just reaching out to touch his arm while talking. And no, this isn’t about making a move every time. It’s about reminding your partner, “Hey, I still like you.”

Pro tip: A well-timed booty smack is the universal language of desire. Science doesn’t back that up, but I do.

2. PDA… But Make It Domestic

We’re not saying you need to make out in the frozen food aisle (unless that’s your thing—no judgment), but small gestures go a long way. A kiss on the cheek while they’re cooking, a lingering hug in the morning, a hand on their leg while watching TV—those little moments? They add up.

Touch is reassurance. It says, I see you. I’m here. Also, yes, I still think you’re hot. Plus, if you have kids, it sets a solid example of what a loving relationship looks like. Bonus points if they groan in disgust—it means you’re doing it right.

3. Compliment the Hell Out of Each Other

Back in the honeymoon phase, you probably gushed over each other constantly. Now? You’re lucky if either of you gets a “You look nice” before heading out the door. Time to fix that.

We made a deal to regularly hype each other up, even on the most mundane days:

• “Damn, your muscles are glistening after that workout.”

• “Your butt looks amazing in those sweatpants.”

• “You are ROCKING that messy bun today.”

• “Thank you for making sure this house doesn’t descend into complete chaos.”

Compliments make people feel good. Feeling good makes people want to, well… get closer. See where I’m going with this?

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4. Say Thank You (For the Love of God, Just Say It)

Nothing says romance is dead quite like taking each other for granted. You know what’s sexy? Feeling valued.

I started sending my husband random texts thanking him for the little things—being an amazing dad, handling something stressful, being my biggest supporter. And guess what? He started doing the same for me. Turns out, mutual appreciation really sets the mood.

So if you haven’t said thank you for the small stuff in a while, start now. It costs nothing, and I promise it’s a total game-changer.