Burning the Old Me Down & Rising Like a Snarky Phoenix
How I Stopped Suppressing Myself, Talked to a Medium, and Realized I’m Basically an Emotional Superhero
Do You Dream in Color? A Journey to Rediscovering Myself
Lately, I’ve felt lost, alone, and confused—like I’ve been thrown into a game of emotional dodgeball, except I have zero hand-eye coordination and keep getting smacked in the face. But through all the chaos, one thing has never abandoned me: my writing. Like a moth to a flame (or me to a bag of tortilla chips), I feel drawn to it now more than ever. Writing has always been my ride-or-die, my therapy-on-paper—the one thing that never judged me, never gave me side-eye, and always let me rant without interruption. It has been my emotional support hobby.
Recently, I visited a medium, and let me tell you, it was like opening an emotional floodgate I didn’t even know existed. She told me that the child I miscarried—a little girl—is with me. She’s beautiful, happy, and has a head full of red curls (which, let’s be real, probably means she has a fiery personality too). The medium also hit me with, “Alcohol lets demons in.” Uh, excuse me?! That explains so much about my questionable life choices circa my drinking days. Did I host a demonic Airbnb in my soul? Are some of them still lingering, waiting for last call? Should I be booking a Reiki session or just throwing holy water around my house like a reality show exorcism special?
She told me I was suppressing myself. That my chakra was too orange. (What does that even mean? Am I a human pumpkin spice latte?) That my grandmother came through to tell me to let go, release, and be my true self. Apparently, I need to write, to share, to pour out all the thoughts and emotions swirling in my brain instead of bottling them up like expired salad dressing. She told me I wasn’t alone, that I needed to release my fears and soar. And she helped me break some “binding contracts” I had unknowingly placed on myself—whatever they were, I felt something shift deep in my chest, like I just unbuckled an emotional corset I didn’t know I was wearing.
Knowing my unborn child is with me, safe and happy, gives me a sense of peace I never expected. But it also unearthed something else: a past trauma that has been lurking in the shadows like a nosy neighbor.
I used to be wild, free, and adventurous—basically the human version of a golden retriever puppy. I felt EVERYTHING intensely—joy, pain, excitement, danger. No chill. I had no filter, asked questions that made adults sweat, laughed too loud, and sometimes yelled for no reason other than sheer enthusiasm. Music was my escape; I’d dance out my feelings like some kind of emotional interpretive artist. And I journaled everything. The good, the bad, the weird ideas, the tragic failures. But somewhere along the way, I started dimming my own light. I got the message that I was "too much." So, I started building walls, shutting down, keeping my thoughts to myself, and locking away the wild, free spirit I once was. And I miss her. I miss her so much it hurts.
Maybe I thought I had released my trauma, but surprise! Turns out, it was just playing hide-and-seek in my subconscious. And now, I’m done. Done hiding. Done shrinking. Done pretending I don’t feel things deeply. I’m busting out of this self-imposed prison like a jailbreak scene from an action movie (but, like, with more glitter and fewer explosions).
Oh, and fun fact: I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Basically, that means my emotions have emotions. I absorb other people’s energy like a psychic sponge, and if someone in the same room as me sneezes in a weird tone, I will 100% analyze whether they’re upset about something. But here’s the deal—being sensitive isn’t a weakness. It’s a superpower. The key is learning how to protect my energy without shutting myself off like a Wi-Fi router in a dead zone. Meditation, boundaries, grounding techniques, (do naps count-asking for a friend) yes, naps absolutely count, and surrounding myself with people who don’t drain me like an old iPhone battery all help.
So here’s the deal: I’m setting my past on fire (metaphorically, calm down), and I am rising from the ashes, wilder, freer, and beautifully chaotic. And plot twist—my child is a medium. HOW COOL IS THAT?!
If you’ve been feeling stuck, suppressed, or like you’re carrying emotional baggage that should’ve been checked at the gate, here’s your sign to let that sh*t go. Write it out, dance it out, scream into a pillow—whatever works. Just don’t hold it in. And if you need a nudge in the right direction, consider this your cosmic permission slip to step into your truth.
Now, tell me—what’s one thing you’ve been holding back that you need to set free? Drop it in the comments, or if you’re feeling extra bold, go scream it into the universe. Either way, let’s rise together.
Open the doors to the wild side that ignites your imagination and fuels your creativity—where dreams come alive in vibrant color!