💋Chapter 4: Mask Off, Babe

(High-Functioning = High-Hiding)

Rant

Let’s get one thing straight: high-functioning doesn’t mean healthy. It means you’ve gotten terrifyingly good at pretending you're okay when you’re actually breaking.

You check every damn box — the dishes are done, the kids are fed, your partner thinks you’re chill, and everyone around you swears you’re “so strong.” But inside? You’re screaming into a void, wondering how long you can keep the mask on before it suffocates you.

And the worst part? You didn’t put that mask on for fun.
You did it to survive.
Because being too emotional, too needy, or too anything got you labeled dramatic, selfish, unstable — or worse, a problem.

So you smiled when it hurt.
You said “I’m fine” when you were falling apart.
You played the role. Nailed it, even.

Until the mask started cracking.
Until you couldn’t stuff down the feelings anymore.
Until pretending started costing you your peace, your joy — even your life.

🖤 My Mask Nearly Killed Me

I know what it’s like to live behind a smile that feels like barbed wire.
To be the strong one while silently drowning in chaos, anxiety, depression, and the relentless hum of "just push through it."

I masked so well, I didn’t even recognize myself.

Until I broke. Until I spiraled.
Until I stood at the edge of not wanting to be here anymore.

That’s when I got help. That’s when I finally spoke up.
That’s when I chose sobriety, truth, and the wild, gut-wrenching work of actually feeling my sh*t instead of performing my way through it.

It sucks. A lot.
But what I’m building now — honest, raw, connected relationships, healing conversations, and a life where I’m real — that part is worth it.

Let’s Talk

• Masking is a trauma response, not a personality trait.

• “High-functioning” often just means “high-hiding.”

• The “I’m fine” mask is expensive — it costs you authenticity, rest, connection, and eventually, your health.

• Sitting with discomfort is a f*cking skill — one we never learned, but desperately need.
  

Mind Work

(High-Functioning = High-Hiding)

You’ve mastered the art of looking put together while falling apart inside. It’s time to unlearn survival mode.

Masking = Protection, Not Deception:

You didn’t start hiding to be fake — you started because vulnerability wasn’t safe.

• “I’m fine” meant: I don’t have permission to fall apart.

• Over-functioning meant: If I stay useful, maybe I’ll stay loved.

• Smiling through pain meant: I’ll be abandoned if I show the truth.
  

Ask yourself:
“Who taught me it wasn’t safe to be real?”
“When did I start confusing ‘strong’ with ‘silent’?”

Why High-Functioning = High-Hiding:

Being "on" all the time is a trauma response.
You became the fixer, the rock, the reliable one — because your safety depended on it.

But here's the truth bomb:
No one is coming to rescue you if you don’t show you’re drowning.

And pretending you're fine doesn’t make the pain go away — it just delays the breakdown.

Rebuilding Trust With Yourself:

Sobriety, therapy, and self-work aren't easy fixes. They’re uncomfortable AF.
But they help you finally FEEL what you’ve been faking your way around.

Practice:

• Sit in silence for 2 minutes a day and ask: “What do I actually feel right now?”

• Journal without censoring. Write the ugly truth.

• Let one person in. Just one. And let them see you.
  

You don’t have to carry the weight of performance anymore.
You get to be whole — messy, raw, real.
That’s not weakness — that’s liberation.