I Thought I Was in Control… Until I Realized Who Really Was
Breaking the Strings: How I Finally Quit Playing
Who’s Really in Control?
If you think it’s you, brace yourself — because it’s not.
Before you pull out the pitchforks, I’m not saying you haven’t played a part in it. Surely you have as you have a human body and life in this human existence. I completely get how hard it is to be here and try to fit in with the system sometimes just out of survival.
Let me explain my thoughts here. Let’s step back and take a look at this from the bigger picture. What are you zealous for?
Are your choices led by ego, lust, wrath, wealth, or desire?
Or are you just trying to play the system — barely surviving until it’s over?
The Subtle Deception of the System
When a person’s life revolves around wealth, ego, lust, or anger, it can bring short-term gains but long-term emptiness. The pursuit of wealth may lead to success and comfort, yet often breeds greed and discontent. Living through ego can inspire confidence but isolates the heart. Lust can bring excitement and vitality but may erode genuine connection, while anger can drive action yet corrode peace and compassion. Each of these forces holds power—they can create or destroy depending on how they’re used.
When ruled by awareness, they can become tools for growth.
When left unchecked, they become cages that trap the soul.
The Trap of Survival Mode
Someone who’s just trying to survive, doing the bare minimum and waiting for life to end, often moves through days like they’re walking underwater: everything muted, heavy, and distant. There’s no great ambition or greed, but also no spark — just endurance. On one hand, there’s a kind of quiet honesty in that state; it strips away illusion and ego, showing the raw truth of human fatigue and disillusionment. But on the other hand, it can become a slow erosion of the spirit — a life without meaning, where time passes but little changes inside. That’s a deeply human and haunting place to be — simply existing rather than living.
Yet even there, survival itself can hold a kind of dignity. Sometimes just continuing, even without purpose, is an act of defiance against despair. And from that stillness, small things — a moment of kindness, a flicker of curiosity, a bit of beauty — can eventually rekindle the will to live, not just exist.
The Puppet Strings of the Enemy
When we look at this from a spiritual perspective, one could say that the evil one is the driving force behind these ways of living. What does he desire more than anything? Control and power. He gains this through deceitful games that lure us into his trap—tempting us with what our flesh naturally craves while quietly removing God from our lives. The danger is that, though these pleasures may satisfy for a moment, they never fulfill. We become like addicts chasing a fleeting high—always wanting more, yet never finding peace. No matter how much wealth you gain or how many beautiful people surround you, you remain alone, because the soul cannot be fed by what the spirit rejects.
So I will ask again: who is pulling your puppet strings?
When I Was the Puppet
For a time in my life, the evil one was my puppet master. He infiltrated my thoughts about myself, twisting them so they no longer aligned with how God sees me. He made me feel worthless, purposeless—almost convincing me to remove myself from this earthly life altogether.
But even then, God was there—waiting in the wings for me to wake up, protecting me even when I didn’t recognize His presence. When I look back on those moments when I was sinking deep in dark waters, I can see now that God never let me drown. It wasn’t His plan for me to be lost forever.
Before I fully surrendered to Him, I was what some might call a lukewarm Christian. I believed in God and all He had done for His children, but I didn’t truly understand His nature. Much of that confusion came from false teachings about who God really is.
There were times I prayed, talked to Him, and asked questions—but because my heart was still covered, I didn’t yet have the eyes to see or the ears to hear.
Even with a husband, three children, family, and friends, I was empty and alone. Trying so desperately to fill myself up all the while listening to the evil one that was pulling my strings. Listening to those thoughts led me to choose restrictive practices with food, extreme workouts, alcohol to shut up the noise, and isolation from those that cared for me. That’s the whole point of the game right there — to deceive you into doing the work of destroying yourself, separating you from God, so the evil one can control your soul for eternity. This is just my experience. If you feel like you’re fighting battles you can’t see, ask yourself — who’s really pulling your strings?
Awakening to Truth and Grace
But there is a better way — one that fills every empty space this world could never satisfy. A way so fulfilling that you find yourself needing nothing, wanting nothing, because your soul is finally at rest in Him.
He covers you in His Spirit and will never leave your side—no matter what the evil one tries to throw at you to pull you away from God. And let me tell you, that evil one is crazy manipulative. He’ll stir up chaos wherever he can—your marriage, your relationships, even your children. He’ll do everything in his power to disrupt your peace and make you doubt your purpose.
But rest in this assurance: you are not alone anymore. You are covered by the blood of Christ, cloaked in the armor of God, and filled with the fruit of the Spirit. You don’t even have to fight—because God fights for you.
Covered, Protected, and Free
All you need to do is trust—fully trust—no matter what lies or thoughts the enemy tries to plant in your mind. He’s got you, babe.
So cry it out and tell Him how you feel. He will hold you through it.
Scream if you need to; He’ll hug you tighter.
Whatever you’re feeling—He wants it all.
He is the Father who shows up every single time—ready to fight your battles, comfort you through the storm, and lovingly guide you along the way.
Rest in His promises. You are no longer fighting alone — you are already victorious through Him.
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If this message spoke to your heart, you’re not alone — and I’d love to keep walking this journey of faith and stewardship together.
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