Marriage, Laundry, and the Art of Not Losing Each Other
A brutally honest look at love after years of life together — and the simple (awkward, necessary, beautiful) ways to reconnect.
Let’s get brutally honest for a second: after 20+ years of marriage, parenting, bills, and trying to remember if we actually like each other under the laundry piles... things can get a little blurry. My husband and I recently did a relationship workshop (and no, it wasn’t a cheesy “stare into each other’s eyes for 45 minutes” situation). It was actually eye-opening — and a little uncomfortable in the best way.
The workshop broke down the 8 core areas that most relationships revolve around:
Intimacy
Commitment
Communication
Trust
Anger
Finances
Chores
Forgiveness
The exercise? Each person independently ranks these from weakest to strongest — from “needs CPR” to “we’re killing it” — then you compare answers. (Spoiler: we did not match up. At all. Which made it even more insightful.)
🧠 Step 1: Reflect and Rank
We both sat down and individually ranked the 8 categories based on how we personally felt. This isn’t about what should be strong — it’s about how things feel in real-time. For example, I had intimacy down near the bottom (because hi, I’m touched out by 9am and "date night" usually ends with folding socks). He had it closer to the top — which immediately sparked a conversation about why.
This is where the magic happens: you write down why YOU placed each one where you did.
Why did I rank communication lower? Because “we need to talk” often turns into “he’s already zoned out and thinking about grilling.”
Why is forgiveness one of my strengths? Because I’ve had a lot of practice not holding grudges... unless it involves forgetting the laundry in the washer again.
Be honest. Be specific. Be kind-ish. (We're not trying to start WWIII here.)
🚩 Step 2: Identify Your Top 2 Weakest
Once we saw our rankings, we each focused on the bottom two. For me, those were intimacy and communication. Here's how I broke it down:
Why are these challenging right now?
Because life has been about everything else — the kids, work, trying to remember if I took my supplements today. We’ve been functioning more like business partners than romantic partners, and it’s taken a toll.What can we do to shift this?
Schedule time for just us — not just “Netflix and pass out.” Maybe an actual conversation without one of us scrolling. Even if it’s just 15 minutes over coffee or a walk after dinner (aka, when we’re not too tired to speak in full sentences).
And yes, it will feel weird and awkward at first. Kind of like dating all over again, but now we’re older, wiser, and a lot more tired.
💪 Step 3: Celebrate Your Strengths
Then we looked at our top two strongest and gave those a gold star. (Yes, we deserve them.)
Mine were commitment and forgiveness. Because even through hard times, we don’t quit. We've weathered some serious storms — financial strain, kids, personal growth, mental health challenges — and we keep showing up. That matters.
Forgiveness has grown with time. We've both said and done dumb things (hi, we’re human), but learning to let go and move on has been key.
Pro tip: Celebrate the wins. Seriously. If you’re still choosing each other day after day, that’s worth acknowledging. Even if he loads the dishwasher wrong every single time.
🔍 Step 4: Compare, Contrast & Collaborate
When we compared our lists, we had some overlaps... and some complete opposites. (Shocking, I know.)
Instead of jumping to “you’re wrong,” we asked:
Why do you feel this is a strength/weakness?
What can we do to better support each other in this area?
And let me tell you — this part? Game changer. It’s not about winning, it’s about understanding where the disconnect is, so you can actually fix it instead of pretending it's fine while passive-aggressively slamming kitchen drawers.
🧾 Grab the Worksheet
Wanna try it with your partner? Here’s a free printable version of the worksheet What’s Shaky, What’s Solid? — it’s simple, powerful, and might just spark the conversation you've been avoiding.
🤝 Final Thoughts (a.k.a. the real talk)
This workshop didn’t magically fix everything overnight, but it cracked open a door that had been stuck for years. We realized that while we’ve been committed and loyal, we haven’t been connected. That takes effort — not grand gestures, but little daily actions, intentional check-ins, and maybe agreeing on how the towels should be folded (just kidding... sort of).
If you’re feeling like your relationship’s running on autopilot, I highly recommend doing this. It’s honest, reflective, and gives you a roadmap without needing a couples’ retreat in the woods.
Because real love isn’t effortless — but it’s absolutely worth the work.
Love in the Little Things: How to Actually Show Up for Your Partner (No Eye-Gazing Required… Unless You’re Into That)
🧡 Daily Actions That Actually Make a Difference:
Morning check-ins: “What does your day look like?” instead of just “Bye!”
15-second hugs: Long enough to calm your nervous system. Feels weird at first... then kind of magical.
A text during the day: Not just “Don’t forget the eggs,” but a “Thinking of you” or an inside joke you both love.
Small acts of service: Making their coffee, starting their car, or tackling that chore they hate (even if it’s the damn dishes).
Affection without expectation: A hand on the back, a kiss on the forehead, a smile across the room — no strings attached.
Shared laughter: Send the meme, make the dumb joke, embrace the goof. It’s bonding gold.
Tag teaming chores: “You cook, I clean” still counts as sexy teamwork.
Acknowledging each other’s efforts: “Thanks for dealing with the insurance people today — you’re a rockstar.”
🧠 Intentional Check-Ins (That Don’t Feel Like a Therapy Session):
“How are we doing?” chats once a week: Over coffee or a walk — no distractions, no phones.
“What can I do to make your day better?” — sounds simple, but it's a game changer.
Checking in on love languages: “Hey, are we still speaking each other’s fluently? Or did we forget to renew our subscription?”
Ask a non-boring question: “What’s something you’re excited about right now?” or “What’s been weighing on you lately?”
Monthly ‘State of the Union’ talks: What’s working, what’s not, and what needs a tweak (like who actually folds the towels right…).
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