Sober, Not Sorry: A Journey to Reclaiming Myself
How Letting Go of Alcohol Gave Me the Space to Live Fully, Heal Deeply, and Embrace My True Power
Alright, buckle up because here comes my slightly snarky, way-too-honest take on my sobriety journey. You ready? Here we go.
Breaking Free: My Journey to Sobriety
I started binge drinking when I was 14. Back then, I didn’t think it made me an alcoholic because I would go long periods without drinking. But when it was time to get together with friends, I’d down a whole bottle until I couldn’t function. I don’t remember for sure, but I don’t think I was ever sober for more than 12 months (if that). My longest stretches of sobriety were during each of my pregnancies, but as I got older and life started feeling like a heavy weight, my drinking escalated. By the time I was 35, binge drinking was a regular part of my life, and I’d find myself apologizing for things I couldn’t remember. The anxiety and regret of not knowing what I’d done would spiral me out of control.
I often made decisions that put my life—and others’—at risk. My kids started avoiding me when I drank, rolling their eyes, and trying to tell me to stop. But alcohol was my coping mechanism for life. I hated it all: myself, my life, my relationships, my job, and where I was headed.
For years, I tried everything to find answers to symptoms like postpartum depression, anxiety, brain fog, and gut dysfunction. I researched autoimmune diseases, did all the tests with medical professionals, but no one could find a root cause. What I didn’t realize at the time was that my drinking was wrecking my body.
The breaking point came when I could no longer digest food properly, spent weekends in bed recovering from drinking, and couldn’t even attend social gatherings without pre-gaming. I tried cutting back, thinking I could control it—five days a week, weekends only, every other weekend—but it never worked. Once I took that first sip, I couldn’t stop until I was passed out. I couldn’t stay sober for more than 60 days without relapsing into dangerous territory.
Then, on June 2, 2024, I hit my lowest point. I had relapsed the night before and woke up feeling physically wrecked. The worst part? It was my son’s birthday, and I couldn’t even be present for him. I had let my kids down again. That morning, I made a decision that would change everything. I was done with the cycle. I needed help—real help.
I downloaded an app called "Everything AA," and began listening to "Living Sober" and "The Big Book." That evening, I attended my first AA meeting. I sent a message to my family admitting that I was an alcoholic and needed help because I couldn’t stay sober on my own.
The following days were tough. I felt angry, frustrated, and alone. But I found solace in podcasts that shared others’ stories of breaking free from addiction. Their words helped me feel less isolated. I started spending quality time with my daughter, grounding myself in the present and reflecting on the changes ahead.
The brain fog was intense. I couldn’t remember simple words or even the names of coworkers I saw every day. But I reminded myself over and over, I am an alcoholic. I embraced complete honesty—no shame, no excuses. I ordered a sobriety workbook to help guide me through the challenges, knowing this path was going to be long, but it was the only way forward.
By day four, I was already feeling the toll alcohol had taken on my body for the last 25 years. My body needed rest and healing. I created a daily plan worksheet to stay on track and ensure that I had a structure for my days. My husband promised to stop drinking at home, and I debated removing alcohol from our house completely. I wasn’t sure if I should, but I knew the process was going to be trial and error. I also wrestled with whether non-alcoholic drinks would help or hinder my recovery. And while I found myself eating more, I had to be mindful of my history with disordered eating.
I also considered getting an infrared sauna session to help detoxify my body and help with the emotional heaviness of my journey. I knew I had to do everything in my power to create a supportive environment for my recovery.
That’s when the idea of building my wellness blog became more than just a dream—it was a lifeline. I began designing my logo, combining elements of the earth sign and the mind-body-spirit concept to represent my holistic journey. I was embracing a new chapter, one where honesty, self-care, and healing were at the forefront of my life.
What to Do When You Don’t Really Want to Make New Friends, But Need to Walk Away from Those Who Aren’t Supporting Your Recovery
Navigating recovery is hard. Sometimes, it feels easier to just stay in your familiar circle of friends and continue as if nothing has changed. But when you’re actively making strides in your sobriety, it's inevitable that the people around you will impact your journey—positively or negatively.
When alcohol was a part of my life, I didn’t realize how much it was affecting my relationships and my own well-being. The anxiety, depression, isolation, strained relationships, and poor health were all side effects of trying to cope with life through drinking. My biggest realization came when I understood that to heal, I would need to walk away from those who weren’t supportive of my recovery. And this wasn’t about “making new friends”; it was about choosing my well-being over comfort.
What Did Alcohol Give Me?
Alcohol gave me a false sense of escape, masking the anxiety, depression, and self-loathing that ran deep. But when the haze lifted, it left destruction:
Seething anxiety and depression
Brittle, thinning hair that wouldn’t grow
Brain fog and memory loss
Gut dysfunction and malnutrition
Body aches and inflammation
Isolation and loneliness
Strained relationships
Risky and dangerous situations
Low libido and hormonal acne
Extremely dry and sensitive skin
Since that day in June 2024, I’ve stayed sober. Each day is a reminder of why I made that decision—because I’m worth it. My kids deserve a mother who is present, and I deserve to live a life free from alcohol’s grip. I’m learning how to walk away from toxic people who don’t support my recovery, even when I don’t want to make new friends. It’s about finding peace in my own space and surrounding myself with those who truly care.
This journey is not easy, but it is mine. And I will keep walking it, day by day, with no shame, no guilt, and no looking back.
If you don’t feel ready to make new friends, that's okay. Focus on the people who support you, including yourself. And take each step forward, no matter how small, knowing that you are stronger than your addiction and more capable than you realize.
Here are a few ways I survived the early days of sobriety:
Exercise: So apparently, exercise does more than just make you sweat and make you feel like you’re going to die. It actually helps with cravings. Shocking, I know. Whether it’s yoga, walking, or pretending I’m in a fitness class (but really I’m just trying not to look like a dying fish on a treadmill), exercise has been my lifeline. Plus, if I get cranky, I slap on a podcast, and boom—I’m distracted. And, like, actually calm.
Hobbies: You know, it turns out I had hobbies before alcohol took over my life (who knew?). I’ve gone back to doing things I genuinely enjoy—like cooking without the assistance of a glass of wine. Gardening, painting, and trying to convince my kids that they really do want to learn the ukulele have all been great distractions. Plus, the more sober activities I engage in, the more I realize alcohol never had any real soul to it anyway.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Here's the deal: I love the idea of being zen, but my mind is like a hamster on a caffeine high. So, I meditate. Sometimes it’s five minutes; sometimes it’s 45 minutes. The point is, I do it. It's like a mental reset button. Plus, when I'm desperate to chill, I pretend I'm at a peaceful retreat, even though I’m just sitting on my couch with a dog who won’t stop farting.
Support Groups: Okay, no one wants to be “that person” at a support group. But turns out, it’s actually really helpful. I joined some online sober groups, and let me tell you, it’s like finding your people. They get it. They’re not judging you for sitting there, clutching your soda, and eyeing everyone else’s drinks with wild jealousy. They’re just there to support—and trust me, that makes all the difference.
Reading and Learning: I'm a sucker for learning new things. I mean, when else can I justify binge-listening to podcasts that actually make me feel smarter instead of just listening to wine recommendations? Podcasts and books about sobriety and growth have been a huge help, and honestly, they’re way more interesting than the usual trash I used to binge-watch (not that I don’t still do that, just less often).
Volunteering: So, turns out volunteering is actually a good way to make your life feel more purposeful, without needing a drink in your hand. I got involved with Must Love Paws, and instead of drinking my face off at some random event, I’m now doing something that makes a real difference. Plus, working with animals is like hugging your soul back into happiness.
Journaling: Let’s be real, journaling is my therapy. I write down all my feelings, frustrations, and what my kids did that day to drive me up a wall. It’s like free therapy, minus the therapist. If you haven’t tried it, you need to. Writing everything out saves me from letting those thoughts fester, and trust me, I’ve got enough random thoughts floating around up there
What advice would I give to someone just starting this journey?
Start small. I thought I had to fix everything at once, but that’s impossible. Take it day by day. Write down your victories, no matter how small. And don't ever let shame tell you that you’re not good enough. Recovery is messy, and that’s okay. And if anyone judges you for it, they can take a hike. You’re the one doing the hard work, and you deserve every ounce of respect.
Ready to take the next step?
If you’re struggling with your own journey, don’t hesitate to reach out. You’re not alone in this! Join the Crunchy Culture community where we dive into topics that matter—mind, body, and soul. Together, we can grow, heal, and embrace the freedom that comes with living authentically. Let’s empower each other!
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