Neurospicy & Perimenopausal: Is It ADHD, Autism, or Just Life Coming for Me?

A midlife identity crisis served with a side of hyperfocus, impulsivity, and an uncontrollable urge to clean (or not).

ADHD, Autism, or Just Perimenopause? The Neurospicy Midlife Crisis

Let’s talk about the chaos that is my brain. I’m a compulsive creative with OCD tendencies, a side of anxiety, and possibly a sprinkle of ADHD or autism—who knows at this point? With my shift into perimenopause, the lines are blurrier than ever. Do I seek a diagnosis to officially confirm whether my quirks are ADHD, autism, or just perimenopausal madness? Or do I chalk it up to fluctuating hormones and keep winging it like I always have? (Spoiler alert: winging it has been the strategy for the last 40 years.)

A Lifetime of Managing My Brain Without Meds

Here’s the thing: I’ve made it this far without medication, so why start now? I’ve developed a whole arsenal of techniques to manage my brain, my energy, and my impulsivity. I hyperfocus like a champ—but only if I tackle my to-do list first thing, otherwise, it lurks in the shadows like a horror movie villain. At work, I function the same way: attack the tasks before they pile up and start haunting me like unfinished laundry.

My need for order and cleanliness? Oh, it’s next-level. If my house is messy, my brain is messy, and then I’m just a walking ball of stress with a side of rage cleaning. And let’s be real—I lash out in ways that aren’t exactly healthy when things feel chaotic. So, does this scream ADHD? Autism? Or am I just a type-A neat freak with control issues? The jury’s still out.

Midlife crisis, but make it ADHD: oscillating between existential dread, impulsive decisions, and suddenly deep-cleaning the entire house at 2 AM. #ADHDAwareness #MidlifeCrisisButMakeItChaotic

Neurospicy Family Dynamics

I live in a house of neurodivergence. We’ve got two confirmed ADHDers, one autistic, and two possible contenders for both. It’s like living in a never-ending psychology experiment. But here’s the kicker—my husband and son’s ADHD presents so differently from my own. Does that mean I don’t have it? Or is this just one of those delightful gender differences no one told me about? Women have historically been underdiagnosed with both ADHD and autism because our symptoms tend to manifest differently (and, you know, the 80s and 90s were more about slap bracelets than mental health awareness).

Signs That Have Been There All Along

Looking back, I should have seen the signs flashing in neon. My teenage years? Oh boy. My room was a disaster zone—clothes everywhere, half-finished projects, and an inability to complete anything unless I was hyperfixated on it. I had the attention span of a goldfish unless it was something I was obsessed with. Cleaning? Oh, I “cleaned” for hours—bouncing from room to room, distracted by every mess I encountered, only to realize at the end of the day that the house still looked like a war zone. Impulsivity? Check. I jumped headfirst into decisions without thinking of the consequences more times than I can count. That impulsivity has bled into everything—my past eating disorder, substance dependence, overspending, and thrill-seeking behavior. Honestly, I was chasing dopamine harder than a golden retriever with a tennis ball.

Then came young adulthood. Suddenly, the chaos started grating on me. My need for order kicked in like an overcompensating drill sergeant. I realized that if my space was a mess, my brain felt like static TV noise, and I could not function. Now? If my house isn’t clean, I spiral. I can’t focus, I get irritable, and I turn into a passive-aggressive tornado of frustration. So yeah, the shift from mess-loving chaos gremlin to cleanliness-obsessed control freak is very much a thing.

Perimenopause: The Great Symptom Amplifier

Now enter perimenopause, the great disruptor of all things balanced. The hormonal shifts alone are enough to make me question my entire existence. Women in midlife are suddenly realizing that their “quirks” might actually be ADHD or autism, simply because the coping mechanisms they’ve used for decades aren’t working anymore. The estrogen drop is real, and it’s making everything feel like a rollercoaster ride with no seatbelt.

So, What Now? Diagnosis or Acceptance?

Do I need an official diagnosis? I mean, it would be nice to know, but also, does it change anything? I’m already managing my life in ways that work for me (most days). If you’re in the same boat, here’s where you can go for a real diagnosis:

• Find a neuropsychologist – Not just a quick questionnaire from your PCP who’s eager to throw a prescription your way like it’s candy.

• Look for specialists in adult ADHD/autism – Because your childhood doctor who told your parents you were "just a little hyper" was obviously not helpful.

• Therapists familiar with neurodivergence – Because not all mental health professionals truly get it, and you don’t need another gaslighting session labeled as "therapy."

Tips for Thriving (Not Just Surviving)

• Stick to routines – Even when you don’t feel like it. Trust me, future you will appreciate it (or at least resent you less).

• Tackle the must-dos first – Get the basics done before you hyperfocus on that new hobby you just HAVE to start right now.

• Declutter your space – A messy house = a messy mind = someone in your household might not make it through the day unscathed.

• Mindful movement – Walking, yoga, strength training—whatever keeps you sane and grounded (or at least stops you from pacing aimlessly while overthinking everything).

• Find your people – ADHD and autism communities are thriving online. You’re not alone in this neurospicy chaos.

The Bottom Line

Whether it’s ADHD, autism, or perimenopause wreaking havoc, one thing’s for sure—midlife is a whole new level of chaos. But with awareness, strategies, and a little dark humor, we can navigate this journey without completely losing our minds (mostly).

Now, tell me—have you been questioning your entire existence lately too? Drop a comment, share your neurospicy struggles, and let’s embrace the chaos together. And if you’ve figured out how to organize your life without burning out, I’m all ears (but also slightly skeptical).

Love my snarky takes on marriage, parenting, and the chaos of raising an ADHD-fueled family—while still trying to live that crunchy dream, but do not want to upgrade to paid? Help keep the laughs rolling, the sourdough rising, and the wellness wisdom flowing. Toss a few bucks my way—because organic sarcasm and real talk deserve a little funding. 😉

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