Real Self-Care? It’s Not a Damn Aesthetic.
This Isn’t Pinterest. It’s Real Life With a Shitstorm Brain.
Let’s just clear the air: Self-care isn’t lighting a $42 candle, sipping mushroom elixir, and manifesting under a full moon in a matching beige loungewear set while journaling your affirmations.
Like, who the actual fuck has time to make sourdough, oil-pull for 20 minutes, dry brush their cellulite, AND somehow look glowy while doing it? Not me. And probably not you either.
If you're a fellow human dealing with CPTSD, AuDHD, chronic medical crap, mental health funks, or ya know, life, then you already know the “just romanticize your routine” crowd can kindly shove it. I don’t have time to romanticize a damn thing when I’m running on three brain cells and half a granola bar.
✨ Spoiler Alert: Real Self-Care Looks Different for Everyone
You want to know what real self-care looks like for me?
A flexible schedule that doesn’t make me feel like I’m trapped in productivity prison.
Sticky notes on EVERYTHING because if it’s not in my face, it’s dead to me.
Habit stacking like my life depends on it (because, spoiler, sometimes it kinda does).
And here’s the kicker: What works for ME might not work for YOU.
And that’s okay. Actually, that’s the freaking point.
So don’t come crying to me when putting on lipstick doesn’t magically fix your executive dysfunction. That’s my weird hack, and I’m owning it.
☕ Let Me Break Down My Chaos Routine
Step 1: Coffee First, Or I Bite
I start my day with coffee. Obviously.
So guess where my vitamins live?
Right above the coffee maker—alongside a sticky note that screams,
“TAKE YOUR DAMN VITAMINS OR TURN INTO A GREMLIN.”
Does it always work? No.
But it works enough that I don’t end up crying into my compost bin by noon.
Step 2: After-Work Juggling Act
When I get home from work, I check in with the kids. We talk chores, school drama, and snack requests.
While that’s happening, I sort the mail and toss anything important into my lunchbox—so it actually gets dealt with instead of disappearing into the paper abyss of doom on the counter.
Adulting level: barely functioning, but trying.
😬 Let’s Talk About the Gross Stuff Nobody Likes to Admit
You know those “easy” things?
Like brushing your teeth. Taking a shower. Remembering to EAT?
Yeah… they’re not easy for me.
And if they’re not easy for you either—welcome to the club. There’s no dress code, just low executive function and dry shampoo.
Brushing my teeth? Requires full focus.
Showering? Too many steps.
Eating? If it’s not prepped or handed to me like I’m a toddler, I’ll just keep forgetting until I’m hangry and crying over a bag of tortilla chips.
This isn’t laziness. It’s not gross.
It’s just real, messy life with a brain that operates like a browser with 38 tabs open and one blasting music, but I can’t figure out which one.
🧠 What Actually Helps (Sometimes, Maybe, Kinda)
Okay, before I dive into my tools again—let’s talk PERIMENOPAUSE. Because oh honey, if I thought my AuDHD was spicy before, it is now a full-on inferno.
Since hitting perimenopause, my brain has basically said:
“Let’s take all your old routines, your precious coping systems, and your hard-earned structure—and smash them like a rage goblin in a therapy smash room.”
Cool. Love that for me.
So here I am again, resurrecting the oldies but goodies—those survival strategies I used when I was barely keeping it together. Because somehow, I’m back in that phase again. And that’s okay.
This time, I have more tools. More resources. More grace.
And guess what? So do you.
Here’s what’s (sort of) helping right now:
The Dubbi App
My kid and I are both wired weird (and proud of it), so we’re using this habit-tracking app to keep up with the basics—like brushing teeth, showering, and doing something other than rotting on the couch. It’s not magic, but it’s better than nothing. And sometimes “better than nothing” is a damn win.
Alarms That Don’t Judge Me
I’ve got reminders set on my phone with passive-aggressive-but-loving messages like:
“Hey babe, wash your face. No seriously. Get up.”
Do I ignore them sometimes? You bet.
But other times, I obey out of pure shame—and then I feel so much better.
The Makeup Trick That Weirdly Works
Still leaning hard on this one: if I wear makeup, I’m 98% more likely to do my nighttime hygiene routine. Mascara = motivation.
It’s dumb. It’s brilliant. It’s me.
💥 And Here’s the Big One: GRACE. LOTS OF IT.
You cannot bully yourself into functioning.
You cannot shame yourself into brushing your teeth.
You cannot call yourself a piece of garbage and expect that to magically motivate you into becoming a Pinterest mom with a 10-step nightly skincare routine.
That mean little voice in your head? She’s a liar. A loud one.
Tell her to sit down and shut up.
We need grace.
We need gentleness.
We need to stop thinking a skipped shower means we’re failing at life.
Celebrate the wins—even if they’re weird AF:
✅ Took your vitamins with coffee? High five.
✅ Remembered to shower on a Tuesday? Iconic.
✅ Didn’t do anything but didn’t talk shit to yourself about it? LEGENDARY.
🎤 Final Rant (And a Reminder)
Self-care isn’t a damn checklist.
It’s not a curated routine approved by Instagram wellness girlies and influencers who apparently have no jobs, no mental health issues, and a direct line to the moon goddess.
It’s what works for you.
Even if it’s not cute. Even if it’s inconsistent. Even if it looks like a sticky-note tornado and three half-done habits clinging to life.
So if you’re someone who celebrates washing your face like it’s a full-blown holiday, I see you.
If you’re wearing makeup today just so you have to wash it off tonight, I salute you.
You’re not broken.
You’re not gross.
You’re human—and doing a hell of a lot better than you think.
Now go brush your damn teeth (or at least think about it).
xo,
Tina aka The Wellness Blondie
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