Sick of yo-yo dieting and fad diets?
How I took control of my health
My current eating habits? Oh, you know, just a delightful mashup of keto, low-carb, paleo, and Mediterranean diets. Because why stick to one trend when you can blend them all like a wellness smoothie? But hey, I’m not a robot—I still indulge in the occasional sweet treat or, you know, a healthier version of comfort food like macaroni and cheese or pizza (because let's face it, pizza is life). The only hard-and-fast rule I follow is this: feed my body what it actually wants and needs. After all, I’m not here to deprive myself; I’m here to thrive (and sometimes eat a slice of gluten-free pizza while doing it).
What is a keto diet?
Ah, keto—the diet that's been taking over your Instagram feed and making you rethink every carb you’ve ever loved. Basically, keto is a super low-carb, high-fat diet designed to trick your body into burning fat instead of carbs. Sounds like magic, right? Well, it’s ketosis, but let's be honest, it's like your body going into fat-burning overdrive. You limit your carbs to less than 50 grams a day (yes, less than a banana) and voila, your liver starts burning fat like it’s on a mission. Sure, you get benefits like weight loss and improved brain function, but it’s not all rainbows and butterflies—keto takes discipline. You can’t just waltz in, eat half a loaf of bread, and expect results. Trust me, I’ve tried. Medical supervision is also a good idea—because keto can be intense.
What is a low-carb diet?
So you’ve heard of low-carb, but what does it actually mean? In simple terms: less bread, pasta, rice, and sugar. Like, a lot less. It’s like putting carbs in timeout. But before you start crying into your last slice of pizza, take a deep breath. It’s about balancing things out, managing blood sugar, and potentially shedding a few pounds. Some diets like Keto and Atkins take the whole no carbs for you thing to an extreme. Others, like a basic low-carb diet, just have you reduce them. It's about swapping out empty-carb foods for the good stuff—think veggies, fruits, nuts, and seeds. The world of low-carb is your oyster, but you gotta get used to the idea of less pasta and more cauliflower rice.
What is a paleo diet?
Picture this: you’re living in the Paleolithic era. No gluten, no dairy, no processed foods. Just you, a handful of nuts, some berries, and maybe a mastodon steak. That’s paleo. It’s all about eating like the cavemen did (or at least how we think they did). The idea is that we should avoid modern, processed foods and focus on eating clean, whole foods like meat, fish, veggies, fruits, and nuts. No grains, legumes, or dairy. Many paleo enthusiasts swear by it, claiming it’s the best way to reconnect with your roots (pun intended). Personally, I’ve tried it and felt like a caveman. But hey, if it works for you, go ahead and gnaw on a bone.
What is a Mediterranean diet?
The Mediterranean diet is basically the eating equivalent of a vacation in Greece. Olive oil, fresh veggies, whole grains, fish, and the occasional glass of wine (because why not). Studies say it’s great for your heart, inflammation, and even your waistline. You’ll get all the good fats, loads of fiber, and maybe even a tan from the olive oil. This diet’s all about balance—moderation is key, and it’s like eating with your best friends while enjoying a nice sunset. It's easy to love it... unless you’re really into bacon-wrapped everything.
My Body’s Drama Club: Foods That Trigger Health Meltdowns
The foods that trigger health issues for me? Well, alcohol, gluten, yeast, grains, and processed foods all love to wreak havoc on my body. A bite of one of these and it’s like my skin starts throwing a party with rashes, bloating, and digestive drama. To figure out which foods my body really hates, I did some serious detective work, eliminating foods one by one. Spoiler: it was like playing food whack-a-mole. Now, when cravings strike, I find healthier substitutes because who in their right mind would give up pizza forever?
To make meals healthier, I’ve learned the art of clever substitutions. Pasta? Nah, I’m all about miracle noodles and spaghetti squash. Bread? Cloud bread or yeast-free sourdough is my new BFF. I get my recipe inspiration from social media creators like Alec MacLerena—he’s basically the MacGyver of cooking, making meals out of whatever's in your fridge. And Jessica Seinfeld’s Deceptively Delicious—I haven’t read it yet, but I hear it’s full of sneaky veggie tricks. I did, however, recently throw some kimchi and hummus into chili. You’re welcome.
Pinterest and cooking shows are my secret weapon when I’m in the mood to switch things up. The best part? Making them my own. For example, I swap coconut flour for whole wheat flour when I’m feeling adventurous (it’s low-carb, people). Or I toss my spaghetti on some miracle noodles and watch my carb count drop faster than my kids' attention span. I even use lettuce leaves as burger buns because I’m fancy like that.
We do pizza night in my house with low-carb tortillas. And let me tell you, these pizzas are so good that my kids devour them like they're the last meal on Earth. They didn’t even notice that I added butternut squash to the mac and cheese. Spoiler alert: I’m not telling them either.
The Health Journey: Like Finding a Unicorn, But You’ve Got This
Was transitioning to a low-carb diet a cakewalk? Of course not. I messed up more than once (like with the inedible keto biscuits—seriously, don't try those at home). But, I learned. And I repurposed. That horrible gravy? I turned it into low-carb Zuppa Tuscana soup. Because nothing says "I’ve got this" like turning failure into soup.
I get it. This health journey? It’s like trying to find a unicorn in a haystack. It’s frustrating, time-consuming, and will test your patience. But hang in there. Stick with it. You’re not alone in this—get yourself a support system that actually listens and encourages you. You’ve got this. And if you need a little extra boost, come hang with me over at the Wellness Blondie community on Facebook. I’ll be there with a virtual shoulder to lean on, a healthy recipe, and probably a funny meme or two.
~ Tina, your snarky wellness guide