The Truth About Raising a Neurodivergent Teen (Spoiler: It’s Not Pretty)

ADHD, Emotional Meltdowns, and the Fine Art of Letting Them Figure It Out

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Trying to get to the truth can be exhausting when you have a neurodivergent child. I am by no means an expert here and am still learning new things every day. My neurodivergent child is going on 15, and let me tell you, things have dramatically changed since his diagnosis 11 years ago. But you know what they say—growth is messy.

Things to remember: It’s never just ADHD. There could also be ODD, RSD, ED (emotional dysregulation), and a million other acronyms that will make you question your sanity. Each person is different and will have their own specific coexisting conditions. In our household, we have ADHD with RSD, ODD, and ED. You know, a full buffet of neurodivergence.

When he was little, I was way more hands-on, helping him learn techniques to regulate his emotions in what’s considered “normal” fashion. But what the hell is “normal” anyway? Shouldn’t we feel the feelings and figure out how to safely deal with them? Cue the existential crisis.

For example, the other night, I caught him on his phone when he was not supposed to be and took it away. He was mad. And I mean M.A.D.!! (Think Hulk, but with more teen angst.) When he came downstairs, he immediately told me, “DO NOT TALK TO ME!” So, I did what any self-respecting parent would do—I gave him space to be alone with his feelings. No trying to regulate them, no pep talk about responsibility, just a solo emotional concert.

Raising a neurodivergent teen is like riding a rollercoaster—unexpected twists, emotional loops, and a whole lot of figuring things out as you go. Hang on tight. 🎢 #NeurodivergentParenting

He did his chore of cleaning up the kitchen in angry silence—like a pro. Surprisingly, there was no banging, clanging, or dramatic smashing of dishes. He worked through his thoughts and feelings on his own. And you know what? He calmed down all by himself and eventually started talking to me again. He even decided to make dinner for everyone. Who knew? Anger and spaghetti are a match made in heaven.

My takeaway from this? Sometimes, we just need to let go of the reins as parents and let them do it on their own. No long talks, no emotional dumping sessions, just quiet emotional regulation in the wild.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There have been times when things went a little sideways. I mean, slamming doors, drawers, throwing things—extreme outbursts where his emotions were basically running the show. Oh, and there was that one time he stabbed holes in the bathroom wall with a kitchen knife. Fun times, am I right? Now, before you go calling the cops thinking we’re raising a tiny serial killer, relax. Of course, things were addressed, and measures were taken to make sure it didn’t happen again. And to clarify, he hasn’t done that since he was 5, so… progress?

I bring this up because if they have ED, they literally can’t regulate themselves. Their reactions might seem extreme, but are they? Have you ever wanted to smash something from a big emotion? Slammed a door in frustration? Screamed into the void? Yeah, me too.

It’s not okay to break things or hurt people because of our emotions, and that’s something we all eventually learn. But here’s the kicker—neurodivergent folks sometimes have a way harder time learning or retaining these techniques. Think of it like this: Have you ever seen a toddler throw a tantrum? They throw it because they can’t process their feelings fast enough. And once they’ve thrown that tantrum and released those emotions, they feel better and just… move on. It’s magic.

But society? Oh, society says this is unacceptable. How dare they not be perfectly composed tiny humans? While I agree to some extent, I also disagree. Sometimes it feels really damn good to just scream into the void and let it all go so you can regulate and work through those emotions. No judgment.