Unmasking 101: Stop Performing, Start Thriving
Because life’s too short to audition for people who don’t deserve a front-row seat.
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I’ve read countless articles about unmasking and stepping into your true self. You know the ones—cue the deep, introspective music, dramatic lighting, and some guru whispering, “It’s time to embrace the real you.” Most of them emphasize how hard this process is because you don’t feel safe—safe to be yourself around certain people. And while I get it, I also have to ask: Why the hell are you spending time with people you can’t be yourself around? Like, is this an episode of Survivor, and you’re trying to outwit, outplay, and outlast just to get through dinner with your so-called “friends”? If that’s the case, maybe the real work isn’t unmasking—it’s questioning why you’re forcing yourself into spaces that don’t deserve you.
Which brings me to a thought: What if this whole thing is actually more about Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (RSD) than unmasking itself?
Now, I’ve rarely fallen victim to RSD, mainly because I’ve spent most of my life being a who-gives-a-fuck kind of person. If someone doesn’t like me or what I have to say? They can fuck off and keep walking. No exit survey needed. That being said, I did go through a phase where I tried to please everyone—spoiler alert: it was a nightmare. The result? Complete and utter burnout. And trust me, burnout from people-pleasing is brutal. It’s the kind of exhaustion that doesn’t go away with a nap; it’s soul-draining. Same goes for masking—when you’re constantly pretending to be something you’re not, it’s like running a marathon in someone else’s too-tight shoes. Eventually, you’ll collapse.
Let's break this down.
What the hell is RSD?
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is not just taking things personally. No, no—this is next-level emotional implosion. It’s a full-blown, gut-punch reaction to perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. Key word: perceived. Your brain doesn’t wait for logic to kick in; it just slams the emergency meltdown button before you even know what hit you. For neurodivergent folks, especially those with ADHD or autism, this means even the tiniest social hiccup—an unread text, an offhand comment, a slight tonal shift—can feel like solid proof that you’re unlovable and doomed. It’s like your emotional regulation dial only has two settings: chill and absolute chaos.
And what about masking?
Masking is basically a never-ending improv show where everyone else is having fun, but you’re backstage reading from a script and terrified of messing up. It’s the art of camouflaging your natural reactions, mimicking “normal” behaviors, and overanalyzing every conversation so you don’t seem too much or too different. And guess what? It’s EXHAUSTING. The mental gymnastics involved in constantly monitoring yourself is like running a 24/7 surveillance operation on you. No wonder it leads to anxiety, disconnection, and feeling like an alien in your own skin.
So, how do you break free?
Here’s what worked for me:
Sticky note brainwashing – During my BDD/ED recovery, I had my kids write positive affirmations on sticky notes and plastered them everywhere—vanity mirror, closet, planner, notebook. I even took pictures and kept them on my phone for quick confidence boosts. Did I feel ridiculous at first? Yes. Did it work? Also yes. Turns out, forcing your brain to absorb positivity does make a difference.
Letting my true self peek out (with a mask in my back pocket, just in case). I tested the waters. I let parts of me show, little by little. And surprise! No one set me on fire. In fact, my family barely noticed half the things I thought were “too much.” That’s when I realized—so much of our anxiety is based on imagined reactions. We brace for social disasters that never actually happen.
Understanding that not everyone will like you, and that’s a blessing. Some people will judge you. Some won’t vibe with your personality. And you know what? That is a gift. Because for every energy-sucking, judgmental person who walks away, you make room for the ones who truly get you. The ones who think you’re a damn delight, quirks and all.
Final words? Take it slow. Dip your toes into authenticity and practice the fine art of not giving a flying fuck. Your people—your real ones—will find you. And when they do, you’ll wonder why you ever wasted energy pretending to be anything less than completely yourself.
Now go forth, unmask, and be the glorious weirdo you were born to be.
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