💞 WTF is Intimacy anyway?
Building Intimacy Beyond the Bedroom
When my husband and I met, I already had my first child. She was two when we moved in together and started this wild ride. So, to be completely honest — we have never had real alone time.
Sure, we've done the occasional date night, but they were few and far between. Finances, schedules, and just trying to survive most of the time made it hard to keep up with. We’ve taken one vacation together in the last 20 years. And even then, we struggled to be alone together — because the truth is, we don’t actually know how to spend intentional alone time together.
That’s a hard and scary thing to admit. But also incredibly eye-opening.
We are amazing teammates. Solid partners. But we’ve never truly prioritized US — just the two of us. Now, 20 years in, with the kids getting older and almost out of the house, we’re entering this season of What the hell do we even do now… just us?
And let’s be honest, a lot of couples get to this point and realize… they don’t have much in common anymore. They don’t know how to be with each other outside of the roles they’ve taken on — parents, providers, caretakers, chaos managers. That thought scares me. Because I love my husband. I want us to be together forever. But I also want to learn what it feels like to be just us — no kids, no dogs, no friends, no distractions. Just him and me, deeply reconnecting.
Intimacy — whether emotional, physical, or sexual — tends to fall to the bottom of the to-do list in long-term relationships. Especially after kids, stress, mental health struggles, or just plain life. You’re not broken. You’re human.
And if you’re like me, maybe you’re at a point where you want connection… but don’t even know what you need anymore. Maybe you crave sex and affection, but actual “quality time” doesn’t always do it for you. And maybe you’ve realized something tough:
You and your partner have never really had meaningful alone time together.
That kind of realization can rock you. But it can also become your invitation to rebuild — from a place of honesty, not habit. Below is a simple but powerful worksheet-style exercise you and your partner can do together. It’s not therapy. But it’s therapeutic. It’s not a fix-all. But it can spark something real.
So if you’re feeling that same disconnect or wondering where to even begin with rekindling intimacy — you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. You’re just at a crossroads, one that calls for something deeper than just another date night.
I created this worksheet as a starting point for couples like us who’ve spent years surviving — raising kids, juggling responsibilities, barely making time to breathe, let alone connect. It came from a place of honesty and vulnerability, after realizing my husband and I had never truly had alone time to nurture just us. This worksheet isn’t about quick fixes or forced intimacy — it’s a tool to help spark real conversations, emotional safety, and deeper connection beyond the bedroom. It was born out of my own desire to learn how to be with my husband as partners, not just parents or teammates, but two people choosing to rediscover each other with open hearts and fresh eyes.
🔥 Intimacy Reconnection Worksheet
🧠 What If You’ve Never Spent Alone Time Together?
If you’ve realized you’ve never actually had quality time as a couple — no distractions, no kids, no third wheels — that can be incredibly disorienting. It might explain why you feel unsure of what you even want or need.
Start here:
Ask yourself (and each other):
When do I feel most like me?
What kind of connection do I fantasize about, but maybe never had?
Do I crave silence, playfulness, deep talks, sensuality, novelty?
What parts of me have I shut down or ignored to “keep the peace” in this relationship?
And then? Try one or two of these free, low-pressure connection ideas — with just the two of you:
🌿 Free 1-on-1 Connection Ideas (That Actually Build Intimacy)
Sunset or stargazing walks — No phones. Just you two and the sky.
Cook or preserve something together — Channel your inner homesteaders and make it fun.
“Memory Lane” night — Look at old photos, listen to songs from when you first met, and laugh.
Silent coffee or tea time — Sit in the morning quiet together and just be.
“Favorite Things” night — Each of you picks a favorite snack, song, and memory to share.
No-destination drive — Put on music, drive a backroad, and talk about anything but logistics.
Weekly 10-Minute Check-In — No interruptions. Just, “How are you feeling emotionally and physically this week?”
💛 The Self-Work That Makes This Possible
Real intimacy starts with knowing yourself.
So if you feel unsure, numb, or disconnected — do this part too:
Journal every day for a week about what makes you feel sexy, safe, and emotionally alive. Even if it’s messy.
Try mirror work. Look at yourself and say something kind — even if it feels awkward.
Move your body in a way that feels good (walk, stretch, dance in the kitchen).
Reflect on: “What part of me have I silenced in this relationship — and how can I bring her back?”
Final Truth from The Wellness Blondie:
You deserve to feel loved, desired, and confident in your skin — and so does your partner. Rebuilding that spark doesn’t happen overnight. But it does happen in these small, intentional moments.
So whether you’re rediscovering your love, your sensuality, or your emotional safety — I’m cheering you on. Your wellness, your relationship, and your joy are worth the work.