Searching for Love in All the Wrong Places

My Journey from Dopamine Chaser to True Connection

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When you don’t receive the kind of love you should as a child, you start searching for it. And not always in the right places. (Spoiler alert: The right places are never dimly lit house parties or the backseat of someone’s car.)

I was the wild child—the one who acted before thinking, chasing the next rush like a caffeinated squirrel. I lived for the dopamine high, soaking in every ounce of excitement, even when it led me down some, let’s say, questionable paths.

But here’s the thing: We’re all searching for our tribe. The people who see us, understand us, and love us unconditionally. The problem is, you won’t find them until you understand yourself. (And no, taking six personality quizzes online doesn’t count as self-discovery.)

I Was the Wild Child: The Rush of Dopamine

I chased highs like my life depended on it. The thrill, the adventure, the temporary escape from reality—it was intoxicating. (Quite literally, in some cases.) I didn’t think about the consequences. I just wanted to feel something.

That’s the tricky thing about dopamine. It makes you believe you’re free, but in reality, it takes away your control. You think you’re living, but you’re actually just reacting, searching for the next hit, the next rush, the next distraction. (Basically, a toddler with an iPad, but with worse decision-making skills.)

Which path will you take? Both hold their own thrill and excitement, but one will open doors while the other will shut them.

The Illusion of Finding ‘Love’ in the Wrong Tribe

We all want to find our people. Our community. The ones who make us feel like we belong. But when you don’t truly know yourself, you risk attracting the wrong ones. And I did—over and over again. (At this point, I could’ve started a franchise.)

I put my trust in the wrong people. I placed myself in situations that, looking back, make me cringe so hard I could fold into a burrito. The house parties where I barely knew anyone. The nights where I blindly trusted strangers. I wasn’t listening to my intuition—I was too busy chasing the high.

And yes, I grew up in a time when kids were left to their own devices while adults did adult things. (Which, let’s be real, usually involved ignoring us with a cigarette and a can of beer.) We were taught about stranger danger, but no one warned us about acquaintance danger—the "friend of a friend" or the seemingly harmless get-together that could turn into something else entirely.

The Dark Side of Escaping Reality

Drugs and alcohol became my way of numbing, of escaping the tension and emotions I didn’t want to deal with. When I was high or drunk, I could let go. I could be free. (More like “temporarily distracted and making poor life choices.” But sure, let’s call it freedom.)

But I wasn’t free.

I was placing my safety in the hands of people who were too busy escaping their own reality to protect me. No one was looking out for me. And I wasn’t looking out for myself. (Plot twist: Turns out, that’s a terrible life strategy.)

I lost count of how many times I let the dopamine high take over, leaving me vulnerable. How many times I told myself this time will be different. (It never was. Shocking, I know.)

I’ve woven your line seamlessly into the post with the same snarky, witty tone. Here’s how it fits:

The Harsh Reality

The truth is, Dopamine Isn’t the Enemy—We Just Keep Feeding It Lies. It promises you excitement, but it gives you emptiness. It pulls you in with the thrill, then leaves you drained and alone. (Like a toxic ex that won’t block you first because they love the drama.)

From that first hit or sip, your control is gone. The dopamine takes over, and you get lost in its glorious beauty—soaking up the rush and excitement, basking in the feels. And honestly? It is amazing. I won’t lie. (If it weren’t, no one would fall for it. But here we are.)

It’s a fleeting tease, a mirage in the desert. You chase it, thinking it will satisfy you, but it never does. And when you finally realize the only way to control it is to kill it—you learn the hard way that you can’t.

Because dopamine is part of you. It’s wired into your brain. It’s not something you can destroy or suppress. And if you try, the demons come knocking, ready to take its place. (And trust me, they don’t bring snacks.)

Learning to Work WITH Dopamine Instead of Against It

Here’s the secret no one tells you: Dopamine isn’t the enemy. You just have to learn how to feed it the right way. (Think grass-fed dopamine, organic and sustainably sourced.)

I spent years numbing myself with substances, thinking that’s what my brain wanted. It wasn’t. I was just too stubborn to listen. (Surprise, surprise.)

When I finally stepped back, I realized dopamine could be fed in a way that didn’t destroy me. Real love. Deep friendships. Meaningful conversations. The joy of creating something with my own two hands. The peace of self-care. The thrill of learning something new. (Yes, apparently there is a high from reading books that isn’t just academic torture.)

It was never about getting rid of dopamine—it was about learning how to use it.

Creating a Safe Space for Yourself

Drugs and alcohol take you to that high fast, but it never lasts. It doesn’t feel safe. And your brain wants to feel safe.

The real work? Creating a life where both you and your dopamine can thrive. Where you can feel excitement without losing control. Where you can experience pleasure without self-destruction.

And that starts with listening. To yourself. To your needs. To what truly fills you up rather than drains you.

I’m still on this journey. Still learning. But for the first time, I’m not blindly chasing highs—I’m building a life that feels real. And that’s a high worth holding onto.

We are essentially searching for our tribe. But here’s the kicker—you won’t find your tribe until you understand yourself. When we stop looking and start living in our authenticity, we naturally pull our people to us. I did it several times. That’s how I found my best friend for life—the one who actually gets me. My husband who loves me unconditionally (bless his heart). And I’ve got a few casual friends who are fun to be around but don’t require a full emotional download every time we hang out.

So, what are you feeding your dopamine? Chaos and regret, or something that actually fills you up? It’s time to start listening—really listening—to what it actually wants. Maybe it’s adventure, connection, creativity, or just a damn good hobby that doesn’t leave you questioning your life choices. Either way, take a step back, reassess, and start feeding it something that won’t bite you in the ass later. Your future self will thank you.

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