Spending, Struggling, and Still Dreaming: Will I Ever Be Able to Retire?

Breaking the Cycle of Overspending Without Breaking the Bank (or My Sanity)

Will I Ever Be Able to Retire? A Deep Dive into Money, Addiction, and Change

Retirement. The elusive finish line where we finally get to slow down, breathe, and enjoy life on our own terms. But will I ever actually be able to? Not just financially—because let’s be honest, my finances are a mess—but mentally. Will I be able to slow down, or will I be bored out of my mind, looking for the next thing to keep me busy?

Money has always been a rollercoaster for me. I’ve tried every budgeting method, every savings trick, every debt snowball plan, and somehow, it never sticks. I am the classic red, white, and blue American living beyond my means. And the sad part? I don’t even like stuff. I don’t need the latest gadgets or a house packed with material things. So why do I keep falling into the same spending traps?

Because it’s just another addiction masking a deeper issue.

The Hard Truth About Spending and Addiction

If I really zoom out, I see my financial habits the same way I saw my substance abuse. The immediate high of spending, the fleeting thrill of getting something new, the justification of “I deserve this” or “we’ll figure it out later.” It’s a cycle. And like any cycle, it won’t change until I’m truly ready to change.

It’s not like we’re drowning in debt, skipping bills, or struggling to keep food on the table. We have a roof over our heads, our kids are happy and healthy, and the lights stay on. But we also spend too much. We live for the moment without thinking far enough ahead. Every year, we scrape by. And every year, I promise that this will be the year we get serious about our finances.

But then life happens. The kids want to join activities, and I don’t want to dim their light by telling them no. We love our adventures—bird hunting in North Dakota, ice fishing in Bay de Noc—and I don’t want to give those up either. Because what is life if you aren’t living it?

So, What Now?

I don’t want to hit rock bottom with my finances the way I did with alcohol. This time, I want to make real changes before it gets to that point. But how do you break the spending cycle when it’s not just you? When your whole family is in the mix? When you’re trying to balance enjoying life with securing your future?

Here’s what I know:

Awareness is the first step. I already see the problem. I recognize the patterns. That’s something. That’s huge.

Budgeting isn’t enough—I need a mindset shift. Just like sobriety, this isn’t about restriction. It’s about choosing long-term fulfillment over short-term dopamine hits.

I have to redefine what "living" means. Is it about experiences or is it about peace? Can I find a way to have both?

We aren’t reckless—there is a foundation here. We contribute to retirement. We keep our bills paid. That means we can make smarter choices, even if they’re uncomfortable.

We’ve set up several savings funds to keep our trips going and to have some backup money for those inevitable "Oh shit" moments—like when the water heater just took a shit. Because life doesn’t pause for financial goals.

Where Do We Cut When There’s Nowhere to Cut?

The million-dollar question. Here’s where I think we start:

Set hard spending rules, not just goals. Just like with sobriety, it can’t be a vague “I’ll do better.” It has to be “I will only spend X on non-essentials each month.” No wiggle room.

Automate savings like a non-negotiable bill. If I never see the money, I can’t spend it.

Get my husband 100% on board. We both have to want this. It won’t work if one of us is still stuck in the “we’ll figure it out later” mindset.

Find a balance between living and securing the future. Maybe we don’t cut out our trips entirely, but we set strict budgets for them. Maybe we do more local adventures instead of big trips.

Address the emotional side. Because let’s be real: the spending isn’t just about money. It’s about feeling good—and that’s where I need to do the most work.

Also, we cut up all but one credit card. And that one? It’s locked away in a safe, never in our wallets, reserved for those major once-in-a-blue-moon “Oh shit” moments. Because let’s be honest, life always has a few of those.

The Bottom Line

I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully retire, or if I even want to slow down. But I do know this: I want to make changes before I hit rock bottom. I want to break the cycle for my family. And I want to stop letting money—or the lack of it—control my peace.

So, do I accept what is and keep trucking? Or do I finally commit to real change?

I guess the real question is: am I ready?

What do you think—have you struggled with breaking financial cycles? Let’s talk in the comments.

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