The Midlife Crisis You Didn’t Ask For

It’s like peeling off a decade of fake smiles and realizing you’ve been wearing the wrong mask the whole time.

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What No One Tells You About Unmasking (Spoiler: It’s Not as Glamorous as They Make It Seem)

Oh, you thought finally taking off the mask would be this liberating, “ahh, I can breathe” moment? Like when you remove your bra after a long day, but for your soul? Newsflash: It’s more like standing naked in front of a mirror with no idea what you look like—and the reflection is a complete mystery. Welcome to unmasking, my friend.

For decades, you’ve been a master of blending in. You’re a chameleon in a world full of… well, also chameleons, but ones with a very specific color palette. You’ve adjusted yourself to fit into all the boxes society, your family, and your own unrealistic expectations have crafted. But now? You’ve decided to strip off that perfectly crafted, suffocating mask. And let me tell you, unmasking isn’t as glamorous as a cute Instagram post would have you believe. It’s more like pulling off a Band-Aid from a hairy leg. Slow, painful, and possibly a little awkward for everyone involved.

Here’s the kicker: You don’t even know who you are underneath all that camouflage. What do you like? What don’t you like? Who is this person staring back at you? And the worst part? You can’t even unmask around certain people because—plot twist—some folks aren’t exactly safe spaces. You know, like your boss or that one aunt who critiques your salad dressing choices.

Unmasking isn’t flipping a switch. It’s more like rewiring your entire house, but you lost the instructions somewhere in the attic. It’s dismantling a mask you’ve spent your whole life perfecting. And honestly? It’s exhausting. It’s confusing. And at times, it feels downright impossible. I wouldn’t be surprised if you occasionally asked yourself, “Am I even really me yet?” Spoiler alert: You’re not alone in that, either.

Unmasking: Time to drop the act and show up as your true self. No filter needed. 🎭✨ #AuthenticityOverEverything #RealTalk

The moment that really hit home for me? When my kid pointed out how different I acted when I was masking. Ouch. That was a reality check I wasn’t prepared for. I always thought I was just “playing the part” well. But no, apparently, I’ve been so committed to pretending that my kid could pick up on it. Yikes.

So, here I am, thinking I can just be myself, but the truth is I need to unlearn all that carefully crafted fake behavior first. And doing that? It’s like trying to run a marathon with your shoes tied together. Absolutely draining.

You know that old saying, “Don’t fix what isn’t broken”? Yeah, well, surprise! I’m broken—but in a good way. After 40 years of trying to be the perfect everything—daughter, wife, mother—I’ve finally realized that maybe, just maybe, I’ve been pretending to be normal. And let me tell you, “normal” is overrated. It’s like gluten-free bread—looks good in theory but ends up disappointing.

And now, at 40, I’m in full-blown rewiring mode. Like, “How does one socialize like an actual human being without overthinking it?” How do I function at work without pretending to have my life together? Spoiler alert: I don’t. I’m still figuring it out, one meltdown at a time. But hey, at least I’m trying.

How I’m Unlearning

Here’s my cheat sheet for surviving this mess: instead of letting fear run the show, I turn to my safe spaces—my husband and kids. They help me discover what I actually like (who knew I didn’t love homemade banana bread as much as I thought?), and they help me find my voice. Yes, I had to admit I needed help. Yes, I had to drop the “supermom” act. Yes, I even needed lists to function like a semi-competent adult.

One of the most brutally helpful things I did was ask my family to give me a mini behavioral assessment. Yeah, a “how am I doing in real life?” review. And let me tell you, that was like looking in a mirror that’s way too honest. But it was exactly what I needed. It helped me become more aware of when I was masking and why. Now, instead of yelling (most of the time), I take a step back and ask myself a few hard-hitting questions:

• Why am I feeling this way?

• What’s going on in my brain?

• Do I need something from someone or do I just need to binge-watch Netflix alone for a bit?

Honestly, it feels like being a toddler in a 40-year-old body—constantly questioning every emotional outburst. But hey, at least I’m not trying to choke down my emotions like a bad meal anymore. I’m learning to feel them. And I’m learning to work on the behavior that follows.

Feel Your Emotions—But Manage Your Behaviors

Big revelation here: emotions? They don’t need fixing. They need feeling. Seriously, just let them be. The tricky part? The behaviors we throw out because of those emotions. That’s the real work. And you know what? It’s the same thing I’m teaching my kids. When they see me actually acknowledging my feelings (instead of pretending I’m fine when I’m not), they’re learning how to do it too.

Connecting before correcting, people. That’s the golden rule.

Unmasking isn’t pretty. It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. But guess what? You’re not alone in this. If you’re feeling lost or like you’re just starting over, that’s okay. It’s not about perfection—it’s about progression. So, step by step, moment by moment, you’ll find your way back to being you. Just don’t forget to bring snacks. Because, honestly, this journey is a marathon, not a sprint.

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