Wine About It: How I Swapped the Bottle for a Better Life
Breaking Free: My Journey to Sobriety
For years, I used alcohol to drown out the noise of life—because, apparently, therapy and adulting were too mainstream. Instead, I chose the “why deal with feelings when you can drink them” approach. Spoiler alert: it did not work.
Hurt? Drink. Stressed? Drink. Annoyed? Drink. And then, bam—drinking daily just to survive the circus of life. At one point, I was practically the poster child for “alcohol-as-a-coping-mechanism.”
Let’s get real: I was so emotionally guarded that I needed alcohol to knock down those walls. Did it reveal the “true me” I was desperate to find? Oh, absolutely… not. What it did unleash was a wild, obnoxious version of me that thought she was hilarious. Reality check: I was loud, ridiculous, and one unsolicited opinion away from being asked to leave the room. Meaningful conversations? Nah, I was too busy blurting out every thought like it was my TED Talk debut.
The Spiral (a.k.a. the “Bad Decisions Only” Era)
As time went on, alcohol graduated from fun friend to toxic roommate. What started as a “stress reliever” quickly became a life crutch. It morphed into, “How do I handle the stress of raising kids? Wine.” And, “How do I buffer my social anxiety? Vodka.” My life began revolving around booze like it was a hobby, and not the life-ruining kind.
Here’s the kicker: Drinking didn’t even make me happy. Instead of joyful mom-dancing, I was doing the equivalent of the sad, dizzy teacup ride at the bad carnival—the one you just want to get off before you puke. It wasn’t me making decisions anymore. Alcohol was. I was saying yes to events I hated, hanging out with people I didn’t like, and overall playing the starring role in a low-budget drama titled What Am I Even Doing?
The “What in the Actual Hell?” Moment
Okay, real talk: I’m not the queen of willpower, so quitting wasn’t going to happen overnight. I tried regulating my drinking—giving myself forced breaks—which worked about as well as a cardboard umbrella in a hurricane. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of gal, so moderation was never going to cut it.
Fast forward to June 2, 2024, also known as: “The Day Everything Exploded in My Face.” That night, I overindulged—hard. When I woke up, I was in my sister’s basement. Head pounding. Alone. Cue full-blown panic mode. Where’s my car? Where are my keys? Why is my head attempting to murder me?
Eventually, I found my car parked down the street. Doing the walk of shame past her neighbors was the icing on my already shame-flavored cake. That moment was my wake-up call. This wasn’t quirky or relatable anymore; it was sad. Embarrassing. Destructive.
Enter: Sobriety (Reluctantly)
The next step? Sobriety—but not in the cool, dramatic movie montage way. Nope, my version was messy and full of awkward conversations. At first, I told only my husband because the idea of openly admitting I had a problem was just… ew. Predictably, keeping it a secret was about as effective as hiding candy from kids. Without accountability, I felt constant pressure (internal, of course—because everyone was too polite to actually say anything). I’d tell myself, “Just one.” Spoiler: It’s never just one.
So, I started my stop-drinking journey with baby steps, only to slip up again and again. Each time I drank, I’d wake up with crushing hangxiety, massive regret, and the emotional equivalent of being hit by a bus. Finally, I said, “Enough.”
The Turning Point
AA wasn’t my vibe (although shoutout to the kind people there). Instead, I built my support system through self-help books, sobriety podcasts, and—finally—being honest with my friends and family. That last part was terrifying, but crucial. Once I told everyone, the accountability piece fell into place. No more hiding. No more pretending. Just me, facing my messy reality head-on.
And here’s where mocktails came in. The idea of sitting at a gathering and only sipping water, tea, or coffee just felt like wearing a neon sign that read “Outcast.” So, I dove headfirst into creating fun, non-alcoholic drinks that made me feel like I belonged while embracing my new lifestyle. From fruity concoctions to fizzy delights, I turned to mocktail recipe making. Not only did I create my own drinks, but I even wrote an entire recipe book to prove that it’s totally possible to enjoy a delicious beverage without the booze. What we do to work through things, am I right?
Thriving… Finally
Fast forward to today: I’m 369 days sober and thriving like a freshly watered houseplant. Do I still have cravings sometimes? Sure. But I’ve found so much peace and clarity in sobriety that it outweighs any momentary urge to reach for a drink. I’m finally being the person I always wanted to be—without alcohol hijacking my life.
Sobriety isn’t glamorous. It’s not easy. And it’s definitely not one-size-fits-all. But for me, it was the key to finally breaking free. If you’re reading this and wondering if you should take that leap… trust me, you can. Start messy. Start small. Just start.
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